Before We Were Married O

Before We Were Married O

Author: Donal O’Shaughnessy

Copyright: 2001

Novelty song

Before we were married
you had shaven silky legs
before we were married
well, I never had to beg
before we were married
you wanted lovin’ every night
before we were married
we left on the bedroom light

but now that we are married
you’ve got sandpaper on your thighs
you’ve memorized the pattern of
the bedroom ceoling tiles
your moaning in the bedroom consists of
“Please! Don’t touch my hair!”
and I think that I’m bisexual
cause I have sex…twice a year

Since we are married
I live in this institution
I’m afraid to say my manhood’s
getting rather Lillipution
I’m workin’ out 3 times a week
workin’ on a callous
but there’s one marriage skill I’ve learned,
Now I’m ambidextrous

Before we were married
oh how you used to squeel
I had a car with headroom
a nice tilt steering wheel
your lap was hot and steamey
and you wiggled like a cat
I wondered if you dumped
McDonald’s coffee in your lap

But now that we are married
and the kids are growing old
you’re so afraid they’ll hear us
they’re walkin’ birth control
I’m beggin’ for some lovin’
and you say,”Get off my back!”
If you were any colder
I’d be a necrophiliac!

I lie awake in bed at night
thinkin’,”This is quite a pickle!”
You used to be so ticklish
but you don’t want my test tickles
It makes no difference if I wear
a raincoat or a speedo
this marriage license costs too much
3 bucks and your libido


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